Words are not enough ...

Not nearly enough to describe how we will miss our boy.

What a day.

We had Lucifer put down today.
He had a sudden brain tumor bleed yesterday evening.

Those of you who have met Lucifer I am sure will be feeling as empty, as stricken and bittersweet as we are.

It all happened about an hour after he walked over purposely and licked Raistlin on the crown of his head (first voluntary contact) and then went back to his customary spot on the arm of the couch.

Lucifer was taken to the vet hospital at about 2 this morning and was diagnosed free from bodily toxin or physical pain. We picked him up at 8 in the morning. He was unable to make sense of any but audio sense data and had a slight palsy of the right front leg.

He came home and spent some time sitting on his mat in the sun with his family overlooking his world.

By lunch time he had deteriorated further and so we took him to the Kessel's rd clinic where it was observed by the vet who had treated him prior to this with surprise:

"He's hollow, I mean the body is functioning but he simply isn't in there anymore!"

He passed quietly with his head in my hand and Santina's hand stroking his back.

We took him home and he spent the afternoon watching over the yard while I made his coffin.He was buried in the side yard just before twilight.

He assisted us and protected us for well over a decade in which he stole everyone's heart. He stayed at his post right until the end - doing the only thing he ever wanted to do. He watched over his family and kept them safe.

Some part of him has let us know he will remain doing so - especially his new little brother.

We are all coping as well as can be expected.
Knowing that everything is as it should be is great but it is not warm.
It is not furry and does not always want to be cuddled.
It is not our boy in our arms.

Now he walks in our memory and in our dreams.
He lives in our hearts.
As he will not forget us - nor will we ever forget him.

Our connections are making sure that the rest of him gets to where is it always warm in the sun, where it is dinner time all the time and all the little scurrying things always let you catch them.

Oh gods little man your mum and dad miss you.